Subway is fine I guess. It gets the job done. There's nothing wrong with it. Usually.

But for real, it's very very far from this good.

Subway announced Tuesday that nearly 10,000 people said they would legally change their names to "Subway" to receive free sandwiches for life from the quick-serve chain — and that they did so within 96 hours of the original offer's being unveiled last month.

One winner will be selected this month, Subway said. In addition to the sandwiches, the winner will receive money to reimburse legal and processing costs to complete the name change process.

Wait wait wait wait. They're only allowing one winner from these thousands and thousands of people who legally changed their name to a sandwich chain?

That just seems needlessly cruel. Changing your name to a sandwich is a huge commitment. It's hardcore. I feel like they should have at least selected, like, fifty winners. Subway can afford to give away subs for life to fifty people, especially if the morons are willing to legally change their name to something as dumb as "Subway."

Moreover, as NBC points out, the company is "also in the process of finding a buyer." What do they care if they give away one sandwich-for-life deal, or fifty, or five thousand? They're selling!

They should just go all-out and offer a franchise to anyone willing to tattoo "Subway" on their forehead.

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