Like most husbands, I've made more than one trip to the feminine hygiene aisle out of love and devotion to my wife. There are few things more awkward in life than that helpless shuffle amid an array of products I am so unfamiliar with and so ill-equipped to find.
It turns out, however, that calling them "feminine" products is actually evil and misogynistic. Here I was, just living with a basic understanding of dichotomous biological sex, unaware of my own stupidity. Of all the things I thought I might doubt in life, the idea that only women menstruate was not among them. How was I to know that people of all eight billion genders, including unicorns and two-spirits, were also in need of such products??
Behold, my friends, the earth-shattering biological revelation brought to us by Tampax:
Fact: Not all women have periods.
Okay, tracking with you, Tampax. I wonder how you will proceed to encourage and inspire women from this point.
Also a fact: Not all people with periods are women.
Let's celebrate the diversity of all people who bleed!
Death by ratio came quickly after the company's "factual" tweet. Here were some of the best replies:
Others pointed out that Tampax, in its race to be as Woke as possible, actually stomped on those their product exists to serve (hint: not men).
Still, the warriors of #sCiEnCe were there to defend Tampax from the scores of bigoted women who decided they'd be spending their hard-earned dollars elsewhere.
(This warrior deleted her tweet, but we still promise to do better.)
Let's not forget that Tampax is a for-profit brand. They only exist if people buy their products. When your brand's entire existence depends on women, it might be a bad thing to erase women for the sake of #PrOgReSs. But what do I know? I'm just a random white man on the internet.