I know inflation is probably crushing your monthly budget right now, but don't worry: the extremely intelligent people in Washington are on it.
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Yes, you read that right. The Dems want to spend $2.5 BILLION "for tree planting and related activities to increase tree equity and community and associated societal and climate co-benefits."
Before we try to unpack this statement, let me remind you that even uber-lefty climate activists admit that we have a ton more trees in the U.S. than we did a century ago.
So... what is "tree equity"?
Are we finally going to help the Ents find the Entwives?
To answer that, I had to dive into some of the most unhinged corners of the internet, but by God's grace, I survived that perilous journey so that you can know exactly how far into clown town the Dems want to take us.
There is literally a "Tree Equity" score website, and here's what it says:
Trees are more than scenery for our cities. They are critical infrastructure that every person in every neighborhood deserves — a basic right that we must secure. But a map of tree cover in America's cities is too often a map of income and race. That's because trees often are sparse in low-income neighborhoods and some neighborhoods of color. Ensuring equitable tree cover across every neighborhood can help address social inequities so that all people can thrive.
It sounds like a woke computer program spit that paragraph out, doesn't it?
I highlighted some helpful buzzwords for y'all as we parse out this cultic creed.
Basically, the idea is that it's racist for cities to have fewer trees than suburbs and the countryside. Evil white people, with their evil and their whiteness, once deprived people of color of greenery, plotting – and dare I say scheming! – to ensure that only those with Eurocentric heritage could gaze upon the beauty of boughs blowing in the wind.
Of course, there's the explanation that cities around the world throughout human history have removed trees in order to organize space and provide building materials, a reality even my villagers in Age of Empires knew well...
But let's not think of silly things like that.
It's probably all the fault of racist white people.
Let's also not think about other factors, like the time and money needed to maintain and clean up after trees, the fact that local ownership (not government spending) leads to the lasting beautification of neighborhoods, or the sad realities of crime-and-addiction-ridden areas where cities must often beat back Nature to keep it from reclaiming entire city blocks (looking at you, Detroit).
We also probably shouldn't mention that there's a few more important things Congress could spend $2.5 billion on, but at least while our families are starving under the heel of an oppressive government, we'll be able to cut down all the trees they planted to keep us warm in the winter!
Oh, did I mention the other $7.5 billion for the "Civilian Climate Corps"?
The bill also sets aside at least $7.5 billion for the creation of a New Deal-style "Civilian Climate Corps" across multiple agencies, including the National Park Service, Bureau of Land Management and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. The Civilian Climate Corps is tasked in the bill with carrying out vague "conservation projects" on public land.
If you want to plant trees and make your city a greener, more beautiful place to live, then go for it! Please, for the love of everything holy, get rid of the postmodern concrete landscape.
