The drip never takes a back seat: Joe Exotic has a limo parked outside his prison, along with hair, makeup, and wardrobe people on standby, in case Trump pardons him
· Jan 19, 2021 ·

Swag always dialed to 10, no excuses.

Joe Exotic AKA the Tiger King AKA perhaps the purest example of psychopathy we've witnessed in the past decade has a limousine parked outside his prison where he's serving a 22-year sentence for conspiring to murder Carol "That Flowerbed" Baskins.

Also on call to be on-site at a moment's notice is a hairstylist, makeup person, and bedazzled wardrobe to get Exotic back to his preferred "super gay cowboy who listens to Celine Dion but will also shoot you in the face with a Desert Eagle" appearance.

Exotic and his team are convinced that Trump is going to pardon Joe on his way out of the White House so they have to be ready.

‘This time tomorrow, we're going to be celebrating,' private investigator Eric Love, who is leading Exotic's case, exclusively told ‘We have good reason to believe it will come through.'

‘We're confident enough we already have a limousine parked about half a mile from the prison. We are really in action mode right now.' Love continued: ‘I've got make-up, wardrobe, the whole unit that will come up. The first thing Joe wants to do, he wants his hair done.'

‘He hasn't had his hair done in two-and-a-half years. That's the first order of business. Then we'll probably go and get some pizzas, steak, maybe a McRib.'

Of course a McRib. Of course.

*Update: No pardon 😭😭😭

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now
App screenshot

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.