In an era where ordinary Americans are struggling to afford gas, groceries, mortgages, rent, education—pretty much every critical consumer good imaginable—it would seem like a bad joke to suggest that the country's millionaire elite held a ceremony in which they gave each other "gift bags" full of sick, ghoulish presents worth roughly three times as much as the average American worker's salary.

But, uh, yeah, that actually happened:

For the 20th consecutive year, LA-based marketing company Distinctive Assets is distributing its famously expensive "Everybody Wins" gift bags to select nominees. This year's bag is valued at just over $137,000 and includes items ranging from designer popcorn to a voucher for $12,000 worth of liposuction.

Yes, a marketing company actually handed out $"12,000 worth of liposuction" to high rollers at the Oscars. This is not a drill.

But wait, there's more! The bank-busting bags included a veritable treasure chest of playthings for the rich and famous:

• A $12,000 "Celebrity Arms" liposuction procedure from cosmetic surgeon Dr. Thomas Su
• The title of "Lord" or "Lady of Glencoe," along with a small plot of land in Scotland
• $25,000 worth of home renovations from Los Angeles-based Maison Construction
• An assortment of "flavor wrapped" popcorn packages from Opopop
• Up to $10,000 worth of "treatments and rejuvenation procedures" from Dr. Konstantin Vasyukevich
• A $15,000 four-night stay for two at the Golden Door luxury resort and spa in Escondico, Calif.
• A small batch tea gift set from Oprah-approved The Chai Box
• A $1,200 life coaching session with wellness expert Kayote Joseph

This may all seem like shocking overkill but it's just the way to get ahead in Hollywood. Drop $22,000 on liposuction and rhinoplasties, plus another $1,200 in Hollywood "life coaching sessions," and you too can wow your friends and family with that one-of-a-kind strut and style:

By the way, enjoy that $6/gallon gas, peasants!

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