The Onion has been under new ownership by leftwing "journalists" for just a couple of months now, but they're already planning a bold new approach.

No, they aren't going to stop writing awful jokes.

Those are here to stay.

Instead, the bold new approach is ... go back to the original approach.

In the year of 2024, The Onion is going to relaunch its physical newspaper model. Because that's what everyone is asking for.

The print edition is part of a variety of perks that the company plans to offer online subscribers, who pay $5 a month, said Ben Collins, the chief executive of The Onion's parent company, Global Tetrahedron. The company plans to offer invites to live events, access to The Onion's archive of physical papers and sponsorship of ambitious editorial projects, such as a video titled 'The Perfect One-Pot, Six-Pan, 10-Wok, 25-Baking-Sheet Dinner,' Mr. Collins said.

'Do you know how much 10 woks cost these days?' he asked. 'It's not pretty.'

For just $5 a month, you too can get an occasional birdcage liner delivered to your front door. Or in your mailbox. Or you could just read it online like everyone else for free.

It's up to you.

I absolutely love this next part.

The Onion will hand out its new print edition next week at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago — where The Onion is based — though Mr. Collins joked that the publication was not credentialed to cover the event.

You can't make it up!

The Onion and the DNC, a match made in heaven.

The major influx of influential journalists will make it a perfect opportunity to debut the print edition, said Jordan LaFlure, The Onion's executive editor.

What better way to show that you are so totally "back" in the satire game than to give away free stuff to regime journos at the DNC?

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