Happy Monday, except to you white supremacists that are enjoying literally anything that makes life worth living.
That coffee in your hand? RACIST.
The milk or creamer you used in that coffee? ALSO RACIST.
Congrats to you lesser racists who drink your jitter juice dark.
Your racist heart might be as black as the java in your cup, but at least you don't try to hide it like the double-racists, who try to cover up their sins with sugar and little swirly designs that do absolutely nothing except add $3 to the price.
Okay, so admission: Neither of these articles are recent, but you probably never saw them because you weren't aware of clown world back in 2017.
You probably still thought America and coffee were pretty great!
But that's when the fine minds over at PETA wrote the milk is racist, and as the internet tends to do, it resurfaced over the weekend:
Geneticists are alarmed that white nationalists — who are now using milk emojis and sharing photos of themselves chugging milk to celebrate their "whiteness" — are contorting science and using it as an excuse to hate. In a recent article in The New York Times, evolutionary biologists state that because of a genetic mutation among Europeans, white people are more likely to be able to digest lactose. White nationalists are arguing that being able to drink another animal's breast milk somehow indicates that they're of the "master race" — good grief!
That's right, because some white nationalists drank milk to show how very European they are, you have to stop drinking milk right now!
And as for coffee, black publication Afru had this to say in 2022:
If you're a person of color, you know what I'm talking about. You walk into a new coffee shop and your senses are overwhelmed with whiteness and you get the glare from the Karens. The white hipster barista lines herself up between you and the bathrooms, ready to tell you non-customers aren't welcome.
If you have a white coffee drinking friend, he or she may have even let you in on the old coffee joke white coffee drinkers share when PoC aren't around: "there are three things that are necessary in order to make a cup of coffee, and they are: first, a black man to roast the coffee; second, a yellow man to grind it; and third, a white man to drink it."
I am sad to report that despite being white and knowing thousands of white coffee drinkers in my life, I have never heard this famously popular coffee joke that white people like to share when black people aren't looking.
C'mon, white people! You're supposed to justify these people's delusions so they can be part of an epic struggle as an oppressed victim!!
Every facet of the coffee industry, in fact, is rooted in racism. From the moment the whites viciously stole coffee from Black and Brown People to the present-day Karen sipping her morning cup of white supremacy, whites have been able to drink the fruits of our labor and our culture with impunity.
"...her morning cup of white supremacy."
Someone was paid to write that!
A certain black genius with "unequalled creativity and genius," that is!
There's nothing more important to Black folks than learning more about their rich history and embracing the unequalled creativity and genius of their Blackness. It's only recently that historians have begun to recognize the achievements of Black people: from building the pyramids...
I'm gonna stop us right there because these are the people who think ancient Egyptians somehow had anything to do with modern skin-based communism or had black skin.
But doesn't it sound like Afru is saying that their "blackness" makes them superior to everyone else? There used to be a word for that!
It's a well-known fact that whites would be eating bland food, like plain bread and gruel, if it weren't for their theft of culinary secrets from people of color, and especially Black folks. That's precisely why when the whites found out about coffee, it became one of the reasons they decided to victimize and appropriate Black civilization wholesale.
Yeah, so, again, that makes it sound like you're calling people with lighter skin dumb based solely on the color of said skin.
It's "a well-known fact" that a diverse group of people across an entire continent would be eating "plain bread and gruel" if they weren't neanderthal thugs?
Coffee first came to North America and Europe between 1650 and 1700. But coffee was an important, almost religious, part of Black culture going as far back as the 1400s in Ethiopia.
I'll have to tell my Ethiopian neighbors that they can't share their coffee with me anymore. Those dang racist neighbors of mine!
After the whites got the first sip of the Black delicacy, they brutally enslaved people of color to keep up with demand, turning a ritualistic drink into another consumer product in the colonial capitalist machine.
Ah, so enjoying something from a different region of the world is racist unless you have the skin color that pairs generally with that specific area.
...Meaning you can't eat spaghetti and meatballs unless you are Italian, you can't eat French cheese and wine unless you are French, you can't enjoy Pad Thai unless you are actually from Thailand, Hamburgers should only be enjoyed by the citizens of Hamberg, and only black people can enjoy the berbere spice that's famous in Ethiopian cooking.
Except, well, Ethiopia has been embroiled in numerous bitter wars with other tribes that look identical to them, especially in the north.
And if you travel to the south of the country towards Kenya, the people start looking completely different.
But the traditional Amhara ruling class has lighter skin than the Oromo labor class and oppressed the Oromo throughout history.
And the Amhara have been fighting with the Tigray in the north, who also have lighter skin.
To make matters worse, nearly everyone in Ethiopia loves Italian food (from the time Mussolini invaded the country in World War 2).
So maybe we should specify which black people are allowed to eat which foods based on their level of "blackness."
Someone please tell me who is allowed to eat and drink what so we can all avoid racism!
