It's that time again, folks. Time to remind you that The New York Times is a satire publication. This time, they're covering antiracism in the dating world.
Believe it or not, they published this amazing piece of satire on Valentine's Day.
Let's start with the question from the antiracist reader, who withholds his name because when you do something as nice as dating colored girls, you don't want to also seek credit for this kind deed.
I want to prioritize dating women of color. I'm after a cross-cultural relationship. I believe very strongly that one of the main ways to combat racism is through relationships. Part of me thinks that I will always be somewhat disappointed if what ends up becoming one of the most important relationships in my life is with another white person. If someone is a woman of color, that checks a box for me in a real way. I am seeking to be antiracist in all my relationships.
…
Despite my well-meaning antiracist principles, is this preference (as friends have suggested) wrong, insensitive or somehow itself racist?
Great question. Normal people find what you're saying to be slightly racist, but normal people have nothing on the experts at the New York Times. Let's see what their "ethicist" had to say.
Your devotion to self-improvement is impressive. Like a dish of quinoa and kale that you may once have forced down and now actively enjoy, a woman of color could, you think, raise your game, supplying something like antiracist roughage.
Yeah, I remember my first date with a black woman. Quinoa and kale is the perfect example here. I knew I wasn't going to like her, but I sat at the table anyways and forced myself to go through with it.
(THAT'S A JOKE, PEOPLE)
Actually, I had the utmost respect for my date -- not because she was black, but because she was interesting and funny.
The people who reverse that order seem kinda ... racist, no?
The "ethicist" goes on:
And then treating a relationship like a seminar can lead to trouble: What happens when you've finished your fieldwork, read through the syllabus and are ready for a new instructor? If the model is, instead, a healthful dietary regimen, will you allow yourself cheat days?
…
Play, rather than work, may sometimes be the better approach in the romantic realm. Although you're not objectifying your hypothetical partner, you are, just a little, instrumentalizing her. That's not to say you aren't entitled to pursue this campaign of strenuous self-optimizing. Just be transparent about your box-checking ambitions. Perhaps some prospects will be grateful for your offer to put your privileges at their disposal while you embark on your journey of uplift.
"Journey of uplift." 🤡
But — how to put this? — I suspect that most would rather be your honey bun than your grain bowl.
I knew I should've given Quinoa the nickname "Honey Bun" instead of always calling her by her given name. Great advice, NYT!
As always, The New York Times reads like satire.
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