Remember this Super Bowl ad from way back in 2010?
"The Green Police," funny joke, right?
Not so funny now, cuz check out this job posting from the Canadian government:
Yup, that's the Green Police, alright.
I found the same listing on Indeed.
The job description is as follows:
Environment and Climate Change Canada's Enforcement Branch ensures that organizations and individuals respect laws administered by Environment and Climate Change Canada that protect the natural environment, its biodiversity and the health of Canadians.
These laws aim to reduce damage and threats to the environment, its ecosystems and its biodiversity for the benefit of all Canadians and the international community. Environmental Enforcement Officers enforce the Canadian Environmental Protection Act and the pollution prevention provisions of the Fisheries Act, and their duties include:
• Conducting inspections to ensure compliance with federal environmental laws. Inspections can take place in a variety indoor or outdoor environments, including remote outdoor locations requiring access by boat, aircraft, or allterrain vehicle;
• Conducting investigations into alleged violations of federal environmental laws, including taking statements from witnesses or accused persons, preparing and executing search warrants, reviewing and assessing evidence, and preparing court briefs.
• Working with internal and external clients and stakeholders, partner law enforcement and regulatory enforcement agencies, and the Public Prosecution Service of Canada.
Gotta follow those environmental laws, Canadians, very serious stuff.
Oh, and it gets better:
Environmental Enforcement Officers are required to wear uniforms and carry officer safety equipment (such as: duty belt, body armour, hand cuffs, baton and prohibited weapons such as OC spray).
Yo, why you need handcuffs, a baton, and pepper spray tho?
I mean, is it that serious?
I was curious, so I clicked on the "further information on the organization" link within the job posting.
Eventually I found my way to this:
[The 2030 Emissions Reduction Plan] includes $9.1 billion in new investments, and reflects economy-wide measures such as carbon pricing and clean fuels, while also targeting actions sector by sector ranging from buildings to vehicles to industry and agriculture…
The Government of Canada is making a significant new investment to support a sustainable future for Canadian farmers. That includes an investment of $470 million in the Agricultural Climate Solutions: On-Farm Climate Action Fund to help farmers adopt sustainable practices such as cover crops, rotational grazing and fertilizer management. The Government is also investing $330 million to triple funding for the Agricultural Clean Technology Program which supports the development and purchase among farmers of more energy-efficient equipment.
Farmers gonna love that one.
Just kidding!
But wait, there's more:
Putting a price on pollution is widely recognized as the most efficient means to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Without a strong price on pollution, achieving Canada's environmental goals would require additional actions…
Oil and gas and transportation continue to be Canada's largest sectoral emissions sources, with buildings, heavy industry, and agriculture following closely behind.
Sounds all "sunshine and lollipops" doesn't it?
So why the need for enforcement officers?
Oh, I know why: Because normal people aren't going to fall for this garbage, and they will simply reject it because it's authoritarianism in disguise.
But that won't matter.
Because you will comply!
Or else you'll be met by some blue-haired hippie with a baton in one hand and pepper spray in the other, ready for action.
Canada just keeps coming atcha with the "keep you safe" Authoritarianism, don't they?
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