CNN has been granted a Medal of Freedom for performing a great service to the country by editing out 22 minutes of the Harris-Walz interview. The White House cited the incalculable good to the country rendered by the removal of minute after minute of words that made no sense and would drive any thinking person insane coming from the mouth of our current Vice President, interspersed with the occasional cackle. The entire CNN crew taping and editing the interview is currently being treated for PTSD. Dana Bash, reportedly the only one to come through the interview unscathed as she was wearing Kamala-canceling ear plugs the entire time, will accept the award on behalf of CNN. For their sacrifice, bravery and service to the country, President Biden has also nominated CNN for a Nobel Peace Prize. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
White House Unfriends Mark Zuckerberg @dontslowtheearth
Voter Who Can't Tell What A Woman Is Excited To Vote For First Woman President @kirgol
Local Boy Hailed As Hero For Pulling Off Historic 360 Loop On Swings @showquest
With White House Abandoned, Spirit Halloween Sets Up Store @twoplus2ischicken
Snopes Introduces New 'Grammatically Incorrect' Rating @alola_rychu
Gleeful Kamala Pleased With Her CNN Interview, Says It Was A "No Brainer" @ponysoldier
CNN Brings In 8yr Old Oliver To Interpret Kamala At Little Kids Table @ruthiej714
Obama Enjoying Having The White House To Himself As He Keeps Biden Out On Mandatory Vacation @thebigfreeze
NASA Feminists Celebrate Aborted Rescue Mission @buzzyboy
Texas Parking Lot Full Of U-Haul Trucks Now Visible From Space @fishythepenguin
DNC Honors Biden's 12 Years Of Service Under Obama @eversong
Scholars Now Believe Noah's First Words After Exiting The Ark Were "Rush Hour Traffic Will Be So Much Better Now" @drconservativeprof
CNN Reports 11 Out Of 10 Americans Trust Media To Report News Accurately @coachjoeconway
Boeing's Reputation Not Expected To Return Anytime Soon @gfanson
Kamala Harris Demands A Wine Box Under Podium For Debate @disidente_redactico
Local Wife Uses Super Powers To Help Husband Find Ketchup @genxambassador
Rookie Teen Able To Survive Without Phone @reckless4life
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
Eve Miffed With Adam Tossing Fig Leaves Everywhere But The Laundry Basket @ruthiej714
Billions In Military Hardware Left Behind As Democrats Withdraw From Chicago @snackplissken
Newsom Prepared To Accept Nomination Following Harris-Trump Debate @dontslowtheearth
DOJ Warns Americans Not To Interfere In Election By Voting Trump @jswag
Therapist Asks Patient With Climate Anxiety If He's Tried Gluing Himself To The Street @baberahamlincoln
"Whadya Think?" Wormwood Asks Screwtape, "The Grammar Thing Was My Idea" @fang
Meet Joy, The Intern Who's Responsible For Formulating Kamala's Policy Proposals @batknight
Mike Lindell Feels Strength Returning As Mustache Grows Back @jswag
Peter Asks Jesus If There Will Be A Last Dessert @baberahamlincoln
13 More Dead After Harris Botches Debate Withdrawal @dontslowtheearth
Adam Struggling With Gift Idea For 930th Anniversary @webidtheefarewell
@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Seeking To Build On Success Of 'The Golden Bachelor', ABC Begins Filming 'Assisted-Living Bachelor' @dadbag
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
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