Celebrations broke out across the country last week as President Trump fulfilled his promise to reduce out of control prices on the stock market. With stocks unaffordable, many people had invested in less useful housing and Hobby Lobby decor. But thanks to MAGAnomics, stocks are now an option for young and old alike. President Trump promised that we would get sick of all the winning, and it seems he is right once again. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title Headline by @baberahamlincoln)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Groom Not Looking Forward To Cory Booker's Best Man Speech @dontslowtheearth
True Love: Newlyweds Still Together After Going Through First Lost Remote Experience @drconservativeprof
British Cats Rounded Up For Possession Of Illegal Claws @kirgol
Cory Booker Announced As New Spokesman For Depend® @annafillaxis
Baby Speaking Gibberish Becomes Pastor Of Charismatic Church @twoplus2ischicken
Trump Reveals Tariffs Were Just An Epic April Fools Day Joke @thebigfreeze
On April Fool's Day We Remember St. Fool: Patron Saint Of Liberals @ruthiej714
Trump Threatens To Drop Thermonuclear Tariff On Russia @gfanson
DOGE Reduces LBGTQ+ To FAG @priehle
Trump Floats Possibility Of Not Needing A Fourth Term @m5studios
American Public Tired Of Hearing About Barak's Problems With His Husband And Wish They'd Just Keep It Private @slateslabrock
Local Jedi Reacts To Wisconsin Supreme Court Election, "I'm Sorry Father... I Tried..." @littlejedi
Local Dogs Pretty Sure April 1st Isn't "National Fasting Day" @aussiemama
Encircled By Infidels, North Texas Muslims Decide To Make A Last Stand At The Allahmo @thewalkman
Rookie Farm Kid Takes A Sick Day @reckless4life
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Hooters And JoAnn Fabrics Merge In Bankruptcy To Get Men Interested In Sewing @westland619
Netflix Narnia Reboot Casts Blobfish To Play Mr Beaver @alola_rychu
Cory Booker Identifies As Woman After Talking For 25 Hours Without Interruption @mrhero
Leslie Stahl Asks Female Hostage If Hamas Rapists Weren't Just Lonely @flmax
Activist Burned To Crisp Trying To Key Space X Rocket @cclaws
Man Spares Himself Ten Years Of Taekwondo Lessons By Just Buying A Pistol @westland619
Senate Democrats Take Brief Break From Attempting To Abolish Filibuster To Celebrate Cory Booker @jmoconnor9301
Man Taken Up Into Heaven After Giving His Wife The Gift She Wanted For Her Birthday @babylonjosh
Suburban Housewives Unsure How To Make Ends Meet After Lululemon Price Hike @muskymarlin
WINNING! Trump Lowers Prices On The Stock Market @baberahamlincoln
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
DÀTELINE JUNE 2033: President Newsom Celebrates First California Home Rebuilt Since 2024 Fire @bobola
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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