When historians look back at 2021, they won't be studying the bitter, intensive debates over forced vaccinations, or the total collapse of Afghanistan, or the galactic-level disgrace that was the new Space Jam movie. No, 2021 will be remembered for one thing only: The beginning of the destructive, decades-long conflict known as the War of the Pea Proteins:

Chipotle Mexican Grill today announced its latest menu innovation, Plant-Based Chorizo, is in test in Denver and Indianapolis....

Chipotle's breakthrough new Plant-Based Chorizo has the deep rich flavor of Chorizo and is made with ingredients grown on a farm, not in a lab.

"Not in a lab," of course, is a not-so-subtle dig at the increasingly popular practice of culturing "meat" in a laboratory setting and then feeding it to real live human beings. It's a ghastly thing to consider. Then again, so is "plant-based chorizo." None of it is the least bit appetizing.

In the war between the vegetarian meat farmers and the carnivorous Frankensteins, ultimately the losers will be all of us who have to choke down the end result. Do you want to eat Chipotle's "certified vegan" meat, or do you want to eat the meat-like analogue that was literally grown in a petri dish? Take your time in deciding, and don't bother with the salt — your tears will provide more than enough sodium to flavor the dish.

One thing to consider, however, as we choke down the faux meat:

You know what else tastes exactly like meat? Meat.

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P.S. – Watch an epic parenting fail in our newest video! It would have been better if these parents had served fake meat instead of inviting Bigfoot to their kid's b-day party👇