It's the one thing parents the world over long to hear from their child.

"I wuv you, grown-up."

"And you too, folks!"

Always melts my heart.

Grace Church school (yes, that's really the name -- irony alert) is an elite $46,000-per-year private school located in Manhattan that is committed to forcing 99.5% of the population to abandon common language usage along with the very idea of the male/female gender dichotomy that has held sway for millennia and is deeply rooted in biological reality in order to accommodate the remaining 0.5% so that they may never know what it's like to have someone say something insensitive.

I can think of no more valuable lesson to teach our kids than instilling in them a sense of entitlement and the expectation that the world is obligated to bend over backwards to accommodate their every whim and desire.

It is after all, only in the complete absence of adversity that true character is forged, or as the old saying goes, "Spare the pronoun, spoil the child."

Grace Church Schools helpfully prepared the "Grace Inclusive Language Guide," to aid students and parents in navigating these many new complexities of modern life which they completely made up.

Let's start with their "gender" section.

Using gender inclusive language can provide critical affirmation to students across the gender spectrum.

Using hyphens where appropriate would be great too for a $46,000-a-year educational institution, but providing critical affirmation to students across the gender spectrum should clearly take precedence.

Speaking of spectrums, I am hopeful that one day we as a nation will provide critical affirmation across the finger spectrum so that people born with six fingers can stop feeling marginalized by the prevailing and insensitive five-finger hegemony.

Stop assuming, people!

Moving on to the first table.

Instead of saying "boys and girls" we can say "people, folks, friends, readers, mathematicians..."

Mathematicians?

Personally, I would not have led with this.

It's also instructive that the one random profession they chose was not "plumber," or "electrician."

They can't afford $46,000-a-year in tuition.

Okay, my plumber might.

We are also instructed that when reading a book you are no longer permitted to refer to "the boy/girl on this page." Instead "at Grace, we say..." something totally non-descriptive and useless.

"So the child went to the store and..."

"Which child?"

"You know, the person."

"Do you mean the person or the character?"

"It might be the character."

"Who might be the character?..."

Forty-six grand a year to ensure no one understands who your child is talking about, including your child.

"Sweetheart" and "honey" are out, too. So instead of saying something warm and endearing, Grace prefers you strip all the humanity out of instruction hastening the time when teachers can be replaced by more easily controlled AI bots.

"Subject currently clothed in the indigo garment: Put down your writing implement. Comply. Comply. Comply..."

Some more:

Instead of lining up in a "boy/girl pattern," use... shoes.

This is Grace Church School, so,

"Okay, Ferragamos and Guccis, let's line up..."

Well, "if it saves just one hurt feeling..."

In addition, you may no longer assume gender based on, you know, gender.

I'm sorry, I forgot, gender is now fluid and completely disconnected from biological sex, so from now on we must "respectfully ask how they identify if familiar" thus "establishing a culture of sharing affirming pronouns in class" which is going to take first-day introductions past lunch.

You are also expected to identify as "cisgender" if your gender "aligns with the sex you were assigned at birth."

We use cisgender to convey that everyone has a gender identity, and to avoid the assumption that cisgender is the "norm" or standard and transgender is the outlier or an abnormality.

I will never go out of my way to make someone feel uncomfortable, but it is a statistical fact that being transgender is an outlier. Pretending it isn't is to teach kids that magical thinking is real and we can just wish away reality.

The percentage of people who are born blind is roughly the same as those who are transgender. Are we supposed to introduce ourselves as "seeing humans" so as to make it clear that being blind is not an outlier?

On to family!

Grace Church Schools wants you to stop calling your mom, "mom" in public.

The word "mom" is now considered potentially offensive, a four-letter word if you will (If 2+2=5 then 1+1+1=4).

Incidentally, the helpful video they include, "Different kinds of families," notes that the children of gay couples "may have two moms or two dads."

Cancelled!

It also begins, right off the bat, with a young woman taking God's name in vain (mild, but still not exactly reverent) which is interesting to find in a document that purports to be all about inclusion, respect, and bending over backwards so as not to give offense to anyone at any time no matter how remote the possibility (in a school called Grace Church, no less).

There is of course the continued substitution of "husband, wife, etc." for the bloodless and clinical "spouse, partner and significant other" along with getting rid of babysitter because that is clearly... Okay I can't even hazard a guess at that one.

They don't bother to explain it, either. I checked the document they said they pulled a lot of this from, and it also doesn't bother to elaborate on it. I'm pretty sure they don't know, they just regurgitate it like good little wokebots.

They also include some "outdated terms." I'll touch on just a few.

Colorblind

—No one is color blind as it pertains to race. We see the skin tones of people and assumptions are made about how someone identifies racially.

"We."

So, you're saying the Grace Church School administration and faculty "see the skin tones of people and assumptions are made about how someone identifies racially?"

You're all racists.

Good to know! And frankly, explains a lot.

Interesting that we're not supposed to make assumptions about someone's gender based on their appearance but we are not only free, but instructed to make assumptions about what's in a person's soul.

This was another favorite.

Colormute

— The act of avoiding saying someone's race. Instead use, "A person appears to be [insert race]." We can't always be sure of someone's race based solely on appearance. If you really need to know how someone identifies racially, you could follow up and ask that person.

A few things on this.

First, as much as I appreciate knowing it's out of date I've never even heard of it.

Second, this is only a topic for discussion if you are a racist. Why on earth would I want to even say what race a person identifies as? Why would I be interested in hazarding a guess? I don't care.

Racists are lecturing us about racism. Well, I guess they would know!

Finally, ask "how someone identifies racially?"

Isn't that how Rachel Dolezal got into trouble?

Colored people

— in being consistent with people-first language, we use people of color.

Yeah, that's been outdated for decades. If you're going to go down that road, it's a loooong list. But yes, thanks for the tip.

There are pages and pages of suggested language substitutions, including ones for sexual orientation, socioeconomics, "being able," and so on. (There's even a glossary, but I'll save that for another day.) Feel free to explore them as you wish! It is a how-to guide into narcissistic madness.

Keep in mind that Grace is an elite school. Its graduates go on to the best colleges and will likely end up in important leadership positions in business and politics some day.

And they are being trained to be emotionally fragile racist collectivist narcissists completely obsessed with pronouns.