Look, I don't want to get too spicy, but we tarred and feathered people for way less than this.
When I was a young lad, far before my adventures at sea, I found myself a ring of pure 24 karat gold. It was there on the curb - tossed aside or lost, I do not know, but 12-year-old me would have never guessed that morbidly obese Uncle Sam would want a cut of the haul.
Someone who makes a valuable discovery — whether gold coins, meteorites or even cash — generally owes tax on that haul, which is known as "found" property.
...
The haul would therefore be taxed at ordinary-income tax rates. These tax rates (which also apply to income like job wages) are up to 37%.
That's right. If you're walking along and you find a horde of pirate gold from centuries past, the U.S. government wants at least 10% and up to 37% of it.
Or say you're hiking through the mountains in Alaska and you happen upon a stream with several fistfuls of gold nuggets - the Swamp creatures want a tithe of that random discovery to feed their appetite as well.
You could quite literally have a meteorite with precious metals flatten your house in a fiery explosion, and the bloated bureaucrats would tax you on whatever commodities blew up your home.
A married couple — Ermenegildo and Mary Cesarini — bought a used piano in 1957. Seven years later, when cleaning the instrument, they found $4,467 of old currency inside. The couple, who exchanged the currency for new notes at a bank, paid $836 of income tax on the find but later requested a tax refund, claiming it wasn't taxable income. A federal judge rejected the premise, siding with the IRS in federal court.
It's even worse for things the government considers "collectibles," because only rich people deserve nice things.
Many found items, like gold coins and meteorites, would likely be considered collectibles, Lewis said. Federal long-term capital gains taxes on collectibles can go as high as 28%, while those on other assets like stocks and real estate can reach 20%.
I'd tell you to calm down with a nice cup of tea, but instead of throwing that in the harbor these days, we tax that as well.
When the good ol' Sons of Liberty threw that tea in Boston Harbor in December 1773, it had about an 8.3% tax rate.
You might think our average sales-tax rate of 5% is a steal in comparison, but you're not counting the fact that 10-37% of your money was taken up front by the government before you paid for it. Even then, you forgot about the extra 2.9% for Medicaid and 12.4% for Social Security.
Then, if you live in a state or city with extra taxes, you could have another 5% lopped off the top before you ever pay sales tax.
Isn't this a fun experiment? Imagine how the Founding Fathers would react if we could travel back and tell them what's happened.
Meanwhile, if you find a treasure trove but can't liquidate any of it into cash for Mafia Sam, you can go broke, be thrown into jail, and have the government seize your assets.
"When you have a legal right to the property you find, that becomes Tax Day," said Lewis, who also owns an accounting firm in Draper, Utah.
This could become a challenge for taxpayers who don't have the money on hand to pay perhaps hundreds or thousands of dollars in income tax, Lewis said.
After failing to pay tax and being shot by armed IRS agents, the space gold you found will presumably be melted down and used to pay for court cases against former presidents and parents who don't want to trans the kids, endless wars in foreign nations, abortions in Africa, the enrichment of the DC Uniparty, and propaganda campaigns that make your neighbors and your children hate you.
Ah, America.
P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇
