That's ... well, what can you say?
The Shawnee County Sheriff's Office detailed the story in a Facebook post:
Some of you may have heard some rumors so we would like to share the info we have... Saturday morning, shortly after 3:30am, we received a 911 call about a disturbance at the Petro Deli. When deputies arrived, they discovered the following information. A 17-year-old male was naked and under the influence of a substance. He covered himself in ranch dressing, damaged property inside a business, ran outside and jumped into a running vehicle, and then crashed into a nearby pillar.
The post continues:
Deputies were able to safely place the male into custody. He was taken to a local hospital and later released to his parents. The criminal aspects of this incident are under investigation. We are happy to report that no one was injured during this incident.
So he walked into a gas station naked at 3:30 in the morning, covered himself in ranch dressing, smashed up the inside of the gas station, bounced in a car, then crashed into a pole ... while naked and covered in ranch dressing
