If you order boneless wings, you haven't ordered wings at all; you've ordered chicken nuggets.
Sorry to bust your bones, but wings are bone-in or nothing, and everything else is just pretend.
That's why I love this Supreme Court ruling out of Ohio.
Yes, a man (hard to say "man") named Michael Berkheimer ordered boneless wings at a wing restaurant back in 2016, and - I kid you not - cut them up with a knife, and still managed to get a random bone stuck in his throat.
Here's the bone (yes, he kept it as evidence).
Berkheimer ended up with a hole in his esophagus as a result, and now has permanent lung and heart damage.
The tear led to life-threatening infections, two medically induced comas, a two-month hospital stay and lasting heart and lung damage.
Ladies and gentlemen, these are just a few of the many reasons why no one - and I mean no one - should ever order boneless wings. It's essentially an oxymoron to do so, and we see here that even when you order boneless wings you can sometimes be greeted with a bone, so why even make the ridiculous order in the first place?
Anyhow, Berkheimer has been in an 8-year legal battle with Wings on Brookwood in Hamilton, Ohio, which led to the Supreme Court taking up the case.
In July, the Ohio Supreme Court ruled bones are a natural part of chicken, so consumers should be on guard for them - even in wings labeled as ‘boneless.'
...
Berkheimer asked the court to reconsider its decision, to which it handed back the same ruling last week 4-3 with a Republican majority, mirroring the vote in the original case. Writing for the majority, Justice Patrick Fischer said Berkheimer's ‘straightforward' motion did not identify new points to be addressed and that he would vote to deny any motion for reconsideration that ‘merely reargues a case.'
So now boneless wings can have bones, according to the Ohio Supreme Court.
I do have an idea that could solve this problem once and for all. How about restaurants, instead of writing "boneless" on the menu, go with CNN's favorite line of "mostly" boneless?
That might work!
If you want boneless wings, just order chicken nuggets!
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