Portland rings in the new year with a vibrant display of fireworks and pyrotechnics! Directed at police officers, random businesses, light poles...

Jan 1st

Imagine yourself. It's New Year's Eve, the anticipation building with every passing moment.

You put on your best party clothes, a helmet with matching gas mask you picked out just for the occasion. You make sure you have all the traditional Portland party favors, rocks, commercial-grade fireworks, fire accelerants, and more.

Finally, the time comes to indulge in that uniquely Portland tradition:

Attacking police and destroying other people's property!

And what New Year's Eve Celebration is complete without a trip to Starbucks. Through the window. (Graffiti language warning.)

What better way to kick off the New Year than unanticipated joblessness?

(Apparently, Starbucks are "colonizers." I'm not sure exactly what they are colonizing, other than people's wallets.)

Of course, the celebrants did not want to neglect supporting small downtown business, and so took time out of their busy rioting to smash their windows, too.

Of course, it wasn't all celebration, there was some serious social justice protesting going on, such as this wholly justified attack on a white supremacist Walk-Don't Walk sign.

Don't tell me when to walk, fascist!!

Surprisingly enough, police were badly outnumbered.

Just one of those mysteries, I guess.

And what Portland celebration would be complete without festive street fires?

Lots and lots of street fires.

Portland is such a party town, it's always New Year's Eve!

So, how did you celebrate the coming of the new year? What items that don't belong to you did you set on fire? What windows that also don't belong to you did you toss a celebratory rock through?

Whatever it was, I hope you were wearing a mask.

That's just showing common courtesy to others.


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