Is anyone [yawn] tired of these superhero spinoffs where they create increasingly woke characters in the "multiverse" instead of creating compelling new characters?

Yeah, that's the newest Spiderman (lady?) in the comics, and apparently she is a fan favorite.

I don't know anything about Spiderman beyond, well, Spiderman, but I have to say I'm disappointed.

Why, you ask? Is it that I'm a toxic slave of the #Patriarchy who wants to subject female characters to obscurity?

Nope.

I'm disappointed because this character isn't woke enough for 2022.

Seriously, a handicapped lesbian? What is this, 2017?

I mean, c'mon, The Simpsons basically had this years ago:

For one, this new character is waaay too white. She definitely needs darker skin, and it would help if she had some Latinx heritage. Even better, she could be a non-binary Native American who identifies as two-spirited.

Perhaps she could be a Muslim, or a trans Muslim... of color!

And I'm not knocking on individuals that need wheelchairs, but maybe we can spice it up a bit? Maybe she's blind and deaf and her injuries were the result of a white supremacist with very orange skin who talks like a New York billionaire. After all, living as a disabled person isn't cool if you can't politicize it!

A two-spirited Latinx, Muslim trans woman of color who is visually, audibly, and physically challenged.

That would be woke enough for the #CurrentYear!

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