Are you a media professional tired of your drab old job? Looking for a change of scenery? Enjoy running for your life in a state of sheer terror? Does the U.S. Embassy in Kabul ever have a job for you!
· Aug 14, 2021 ·

You know how you've always wanted that big corner office with the expansive floor-to-ceiling windows?

Yeah, I would probably pass on that this time.

"Job Opportunity!"

They sound so excited.

They always do. Before the shooting starts.

This is a real listing.

...the Public Engagement Assistant (Information Assistant) bears responsibility for advising the U.S. Embassy on media trends, media climate, and dealing with the media on a wide range of bilateral and multilateral issues.

If I were making a list of priorities for staffing the Kabul Embassy right now I definitely would put "dealing with the media" right up there with "dealing with heavily armed bloodthirsty savages looking for retribution."

Admittedly there are different skill sets involved. One is good at ensuring you are not the victim of an unflattering article, and the other is good at ensuring you are not the victim of unimaginable brutality, but they both have their place.

That said, I'd really hope my office is next to the guys working on the latter.

The incumbent functions in an extremely sensitive political environment in which an ongoing insurgency adds to the urgency of accurate media reporting to make key security decisions, which requires skill and tact when dealing with contacts, military officials, Afghan government, media and civil society representatives.

Yes, I could see how tact might prove to be helpful. Then again, so could proficiency with an AR-15.

The job posting was originally placed earlier in the month, not long after Biden was saying things like this:

The Taliban is not the south — the North Vietnamese army. They're not — they're not remotely comparable in terms of capability. There's going to be no circumstance where you see people being lifted off the roof of a embassy in the — of the United States from Afghanistan. It is not at all comparable.

Life seemed so much more simpler way back a few weeks ago.

But, hey, life comes at you fast in Afghanistan. I think a good metaphor would be for you to visualize how fast a well-equipped and motivated battalion of Taliban soldiers comes at you as they sweep across the largely undefended countryside while the local forces melt away.

(Psst: That's not a metaphor.)

Why has the Afghan military crumbled so quickly in the face of the Taliban offensive?

I would probably prefer an accelerated pay cycle, say, hourly perhaps? Krugerrands only. And you're really going to have to speed up the vesting of those 401K matches, okay?

The posting was open through Friday, so alas you may have missed your opportunity. Then again, maybe it was just as well.

Last-minute helicopter rides ain't cheap.

Not cheap at all.

👉 P.S. Now watch our latest must-see video: This brave 4th-grader gave a speech about mask mandates at her school board meeting and the crowd went WILD:

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