What a dope this guy is. Sounds like he was intoxicated and then got himself lost in the woods out in West Virginia.

This is a great reason to keep your drinking to a minimum when you're out in unfamiliar territory like Christian Leonhardt of Ohio was in this instance over in West Virginia. You want your full brain when you're in the woods. I also wouldn't doubt that other drugs were involved here, but let's not get into that.

From the story:

According to a criminal complaint from Kanawha County Magistrate Court, first responders were called in the early morning hours of Friday, Sept. 22, 2023, to assist a man in the woods. Dispatchers said the man claimed he was injured and stranded along a steep terrain.

The KCSO and dispatchers said while on the phone with him the man said "Please help me!" and that he was being attacked by a bear. The man also allegedly claimed that he had been walking for days, his phone was dying and that the bears were circling him and he was going to die…

The criminal complaint says while on the phone with dispatchers, Leonhardt allegedly continued to say the bears were stalking him and that he began screaming. He also allegedly claimed to have a head injury and was bleeding.

Man, can you imagine being the dispatcher in this situation? Like, "Stay calm, buddy, you got this. We'll be out there as soon as we can, you just sit tight and get some pressure on that wound."

But it turns out this was a "man-who-cried-bear" type of situation — a drunk man gets lost in the woods and then calls authorities pretending to be attacked by a bear hoping the authorities will show up so he can get his butt out of there.

Deputies say they, and several search and rescue groups responded attempting to locate the Leonhardt, using emergency lights and sirens to both scare away any bears and point the man toward their location. Authorities say they also attempted to get a West Virginia State Police or other agency's helicopter to assist in the search…

According to the complaint, after a two-hour search, crews finally found Leonhardt. Once they were at his location, he allegedly denied medical treatment from fire and EMS crews, claiming he just wanted a ride out of the woods. First responders say Leonhardt was not bleeding and did not have any visible injuries.

Deputies say Leonhardt allegedly told them he was extremely intoxicated and apologized for wasting their time, but that he needed to get out of the woods.

Yeah, totally sorry, you guys. I'm just really drunk and, well, I started to freak out, so I made you guys come rescue me. Promise it won't happen again.

Ohio people, right?

Well, turns out,

Leonhardt was arrested and is being charged with falsely reporting an emergency incident.

Yeah, turns out in the adult version of The Boy Who Cried Wolf there are actual consequences.

And there is no next time.

Sorry, bud.

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