Dear friends, I write to you from the frozen lands of Michigan, where the White Witch continues to hold us in endless lockdown without Christmas.
"The White Witch?" you may ask. "Who's she?"
I don't like to use the term "perfectly terrible person" for many individuals, but Queen Whitmer has certainly striven to meet that definition this year. After the Michigan Supreme Court shot down her illegal emergency orders, she has decided to weaponize unelected government agencies to do her dark and malevolent will.
(Grovel at her feet, mere mortals!)
Touting sCiEnCe as her weapon, Whitmer is using the state health agency to force businesses to collect the names, phone numbers, and time of entry of all customers who frequent their establishments.
An executive order signed Friday makes it a crime to not collect this information. The law applies to dine-in restaurants, salons, tatoo parlors, movie theaters, sports venues, and other recreation/entertainment facilities.
Should any businessowner violate the order, they will be charged with a misdemeanor punishable by up to six months in prison in addition to fines.
(An actual picture of a violator frozen by the Queen's magic)
It doesn't matter that Whitmer was one of several Democrat governors who shuttled 'Rona patients into nursing homes, that the data does not support another lockdown, or that Whitmer has touted voting for Biden as the only way her subjects will see freedom again, what she wants you to know is that she is a woman of sCiEnCe.
(Whitmer telling her subjects they can have all the Turkish Delight they would like if they vote Biden)
There is a glimmer of hope, however. Should her master Biden fail to ascend his throne on election day, Whitmer will be in dire straights. With two Supreme Court rulings against her, a petition with over 500,000 signatures to remove her emergency powers, and a tidal wave of pending lawsuits, her icy grip will increasingly depend on legitimacy from the White House.
(An artist's rendition of Donald Trump breaking the Queen's wand)
For those like me still trapped in her domain, however, here's a suggestion I'm totally not making (should any of her agents be watching). I'm totally not telling my fellow Michiganders to use a fake name generator and provide Whitmer's office number (517-373-3400) as a way to directly defy her gross overreach of power and complete failure to listen to the people, the judiciary, or the legislature.
Winter is melting. Hope is on the move. There is Deeper Magic of Liberty – magic of which the Queen knows nothing. Have courage, my friends!
