Who isn't ready for 2020 to be over? Well, December is upon us and the end of this year from hell is nigh. But before you start celebrating, don't forget there's still a whole month left. Plenty of time for more terrible stuff to happen.
It's good to be optimistic, just not too optimistic. So here are 31 suggestions for things to worry about this December.
1. An asteroid could smash into the earth.
The jury's still out on whether that would be a good thing or a bad thing.
2. All those minks they killed in Denmark could come back as zombies.
Shoot! Too late.
3. Rian Johnson could release a remastered Star Wars Holiday Special and ruin that too.
😡
4. A particle accelerator could create a black hole and suck us into that confusing scene from Interstellar where Matthew McConaughey is behind a bookcase.
5. Kamala Harris could talk more.
In clear violation of the Geneva Convention.
6. That spider in your bedroom that you were too scared to kill back in March may have spent all year breeding. Now it's time for the eggs to hatch.
7. YouTube, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, and Disney+ could all experience a month-long outage.
8. Those Costco coconut milk slave monkeys could organize a successful uprising.
9. Your son could become a mansplainer.
A fate worse than death according to Slate.
10. That recurring dream where all your teeth fall out could turn out to have been a prophecy.
11. A wild deer could steal your gun.
Since apparently, that's something that can happen now.
12. The aliens could beam that Utah metal monolith back down from space and make it land on your Buick LeSabre
Can't trust aliens. They give you a cool monument then they take it away again.
13. CNN's very serious Brian Stelter could label you a threat to democracy.
To be honest, he labels everything a threat to democracy, so this is more a matter of when than if.
14. Your Muslim cat could reject her Shariah-compliant hijab and tear out your throat.
Shouldn't have messed with the cat.
15. You could miss out on this insane Cyber Monday deal to subscribe to Not the Bee for 33% off the regular price.
Seriously, check this out.
